Welcome to ramble, where my random thoughts are put on the world wide web for all to enjoy and discuss. Why expose myself like this? It is like reading someone's diary and not having any moral consequences to deal with. Does that make you a voyeur? Does that make me an exhibitionist? Who knows. All I know is that people seem to enjoy what I have to say, I like saying it, and therefore this makes sense.

Ramble has now been relocated to multiple places with archiving and nifty things like that...so for entries before 2/7/03 try going to Diaryland because it is more complete and easier to navigate. For entries on and after 2/7/03, please make your way to my Livejournal. Or you can stay here...that's ok too...but there will be no more posts here after 1/12/02.

If you'd like to read choice entries from the past, you are more than welcome.

7/17/00:The best way to reclaim a bad morning is to have an accomplished afternoon and evening. I woke up late (11 am) even though I had planned on getting up at 9. Then I sat around in my jammies doing pretty much nothing, until I eventually got my act together and took a shower. I spent a lot of time online talking to Techhouse people while simultaneously watching Comedy Central. Jonathan called me in the afternoon after he got home from work, and I was very giggly and feeling unaccomplished, so with his encouragement I went to the gym (I tend to be a morning gym person). It definitely worked. I felt much better. I made myself a smoothie with bananas, strawberries, yogurt, and soy milk for dinner and sat down to...work on the webpage! I am going to visit Jonathan tomorrow after I let the cleaning lady in. It is good she is coming because I actually spilled the remnants of my smoothie on the floor and I'm sure I won't clean it up to my mom's specifications...

8/1/00: So....I miss East/West. Actually, even more acute at the moment is missing East/West in Jamaica. I am sort of in disbelief because for a while I didn't miss Jamaica at all. What did it? I downloaded "Pressure Drop" by Toots and the Maytals, and I am listening to it, and I am totally transported back to being on the balcony at DBML, playing dominos, and singing the "Oh yeahhhhhh" part of the song really loud. I was not the most enthused about the reggae, but I think I just don't like Bob Marley, really. I like old reggae. I miss dancing on the dock at the barbecue. I tried to jerk some veggie burgers the other night, and it was so disappointing. The sad thing is that I can't go back unless I TA, or teach, or do research there. I may have to rekindle my interest in seagrass beds...or maybe the squid! Hmm. I guess when you have special things happen in your life, they always leave you feeling this way eventually. It happened with CTY, it happened with SEA...I could only expect a whole year to do it too.

9/15/00: So, I haven't written here for a while for some reason, although various events have occured and I have said "That needs to go on ramble." I guess my busy life is preventing me from opening my heart to the anonymous internet masses quite as often. I am not lying when I say I am busy either. I have a huge research project that will be a lot of work but will also be extremely fun and rewarding. I am working with the EPA Atlantic Ecology Division in Narragansett. Too bad Jonathan is in Connecticut or I could visit him and the EPA in one fell swoop. Ursas is typically filling up my schedule, I am taking computer science which demands a lot of time, and I also have to do grad school stuff, not to mention making time for myself so I can maintain sanity. Luckily my website is part of that...considered personal time. On Wednesday I went snorkeling in Marshfield. The water was so clear, and the ctenophores are so big, and I was in heaven. That is my heaven...floating face down in clear water watching the aquatic equivalent of angels drift by. My room is messy, because I have been throwing books on the floor. I have also been delinquent in taking care of myself like I should...you know, eating, sleeping, basic human needs. I am under a not so safe assumption that when I deplete myself too much I'll know. I feel fine right now. I need to survive this semester, then next semester will be easy...1 real class!! Hooray East/West, and thank you for giving me 10 credits last year.

10/19/00: So, despite the fact that I have hardly updated, I assume you think my page isn't crappy. I love computers, and I love working on this webpage, but I must tell you...I hate programming. I am taking a class in Java and it regularly and ritualistically beats me with a stick. You might say "Start earlier." Oh, believe me I start early...but I still get tangled. This week in particular sucked because I got some sort of intestinal bug and ended up doing nothing but reading Tolkien for 2 days. I mean, except for the ilness part, that sounds perfect to me. However, it means I lost 2 days of programming. Yes, it is probably my fault. Maybe you think I am complaining because "finally something is hard for you, Sara." Regardless of *why* I end up like this, I do. By the way, this entry took me all of 3 minutes, so I am not avoiding programming. OK, end of complaint.

10/31/00: Halloween! I went trick or treating, as a scuba diver. I wore my short wetsuit, my mask around my neck, and used my fins as a candy holder (which I got a lot of compliments on!) Lest you think that a 21 year old doesn't elicit much candy, in one hour I collected:
2 Reeses peanut butter cups (big)
5 Reeses peanut butter cups (small)
1 Tootsie Roll (big)
7 Tootsie Rolls (small)
3 Tootsie Roll Pops
1 Hershey's kiss
2 Three Musketeers
2 Almond Joys
3 Milky Ways
1 Butterfinger
1 Twix
1 homemade toffee
1 package Gummi Savers
1 Krackel
2 Hershey bars
2 Mars bars
1 bag plain M&Ms
1 bag Whoppers
1 Nestle Crunch
4 Hershey's Nuggets with almonds
1 box Milk Duds
1 box Junior Mints
2 KitKats (1 KitKat = 2 bars)
1 Starburst (1 Starburst = 2 squares)
2 random Halloween chocolates
1 random Halloween lollypop
1 Halloween pencil already sharpened!
So, yes I had a good Halloween. Even CS15 was good because we watched a funny movie the TAs had made. Nik Lochmatow just gave me some garlic bread too...hooray Halloween! Now all I need is Jonathan.

12/24/00: What is it about the holidays that make people think a lot? I have just been thinking and thinking, staring into the fire, pondering the person I have been in the past, the person I am now, and the person I'm going to be. This semester really sucked and I am so glad to be free of the stress. Of course, I still have to think about application to grad school and all that stuff, not to mention making sure everyone around me is as happy as possible (which is always part of my goal, you see.) I am looking forward to tomorrow, because I was sitting here wishing something exciting would happen and I guess tomorrow being Christmas is the most exciting thing on the horizon, at least guranteed. I would be up for a great surprise too...so feel free to give me a nice suprise if and when you're reading this.

1/4/01: So, today I stopped at the gas station I always go to after leaving Jonathan's house. I fill my tank, go inside, and decide to get some hot chocolate. I bring my beverage to the girl at the counter, say "Pump 6", and she says "Why do we always have to make tough decisions?" I smile sympathetically and she says "Oh, it's $10.51." I give her the money and she sighs loudly and says "I hate making tough decisions." I could have just walked out, but I was feeling extra benevolent, so I said "Would this decision you have to make affect only you, or would it affect others as well?" She says "Just me, but other people might care." (You'll note that this was not an accurate statement, but whatever...) I go to wish her good luck, and she continues, "I have to choose between losing my boyfriend, taking my sister to court, and gaining custody of my nephew and godson..." at which point I interject "That's one of the choices?" She says "Yeah, or I don't take my sister to court, don't get custody, and keep my boyfriend." I mull this over and say "How would gaining custody of the nephew lose your boyfriend? Would having the child around ruin the relationship?" She "explains" that Tuesday she was supposed to pack up and move into an apartment with him ("we've been going out for 4 months but I've known him for a year") and choosing to go to court would wreck that. Whether the court date was just inconvenient in that it was the same day as "Packing Day" or there were greater issues like "either it's the guy or the child" ultimatums, I don't know. I was just getting gas. I couldn't give advice without more info, and I felt like a gas station counseling session was not in order. I told her that she probably has a lot of time to think at the gas station, and good luck. I felt like telling her what to do would be overstepping my bounds. What I would have done is establish what this relationship is really like, and whether the boyfriend is being selfish, if he is generally a caring person, and so on. Maybe he's a bad boyfriend anyway, and her life would be better off with the child than with him. Then again, if the gas station is her only income or she's dependent on his income, then we have a tricky situation. Hm. Well, it certainly made the evening more though provoking. In shallower news, Jonathan and I both got haircuts. Mine is short and layered (he tells me it's cute) and his is short and haphazarly fuzzy/spiky (which is adorable).

1/29/01: One of my minor, odd complaints. There is this girl, who shall remain nameless because I don't know her name, although I saw her today for the first time. She's Tuna Fish Girl. Why? Every so often the bathroom smells like tuna fish. I wondered why. Today I found out. I saw her leaving the bathroom with a Tupperware container, and the bathroon smelled like tuna fish. There were tuna particles in the sink. I'm sorry...but that's just nasty. In other news, it's raining and my hair is wicked curly.

2/2/01: So many things to tell you, faithful readers! First of all, you might be amused to know that I took action to solve the tuna problem. I wrote this poem and hung it on the bathroon mirror.
To "tuna girl" :
Tuna is tasty,
So most people think,
But what's not appealing
Is "tuna fish sink"
The redolent odor
of the fishy flesh
Is making the bathroom
smell not so fresh.
Throw the can away elsewhere,
Rinse the sink when you're done,
And the air will smell cleaner
For everyone.
Pleasant, isn't it? Poetry is definitely the nice way to ask people to do things. Let's see...what else. Well, I found more evidence today that some of my peers at this school (where most of us should be pretty bright I'd think) are a bit...dim. I went to the Blue Room, which is a sort of snack bar here. I got a large hot chocolate ($1.35) and proceeded to the cashier. He says (apparently having seen me holding my wallet) "I have no change, so unless you're using points I can't help you." He then yells out "Anyone with points, I can help you here." I am shunted to the register next to his (same counter mind you...I didn't have to move) where nobody is working. I say "I have exact change." He says "I'm sorry, but I have no change in the register." He then ignores me until he has served a few more people, has gotten change, and apparently can then, accept my exact change. I give him $1.35 and walk away sighing in an exasperated tone. As I walk across the main green, I notice my favorite meteorologist from Channel 10 doing a little piece on Brown students helping earthquake victims in India.

I wait until he's done then say "Aren't you a meteorologist too?" since he's apparently not doing weather. He walks over, shakes my hand, asks my name, tells me he's R.J. Heim (which I already knew), and then tells me he anchors on the weekdays and does meteorology on the weekends. I point out that I usually watch the news on weekends (Sunday nights, after X-Files). He informs me that he really likes his schedule, except that he doesn't get to go out on Saturday nights. He accompanied this information with a sort of nudge to my leg with his foot...the sort of gesture that would be a kick to the shin if it were a lot harder. I tell him he's a very personable meteorologist and that I love his work. He noted that some meteorologists seem to focus too much on isoclines and the technical items behind weather...but he just wants to let people know what it's going to be like tomorrow. A good mission if you ask me. I tell him that I think meteorology is interesting, and he recommends some school up in Vermont. Then he had to go. After that I helped the girl sitting on the bench with me think of ideas for photos to take to use as Valentines Day cards to her friends. I thought today would suck because I got 5 hours of sleep last night and got locked out in my jammies this morning...but it hasn't sucked, and that's cool.

4/9/01: It was in the 60's for the first time today, and you know how I get when spring arrives...insanely joyful. Yes, I am insanely joyful anyway, but you understand that there is a spectrum. I randomly went to visit Jonathan yesterday (well, not so randomly...I missed him since I hadn't seen him in a few weeks). We hung out for a while, ate grilled cheeses, then he had work to do so I went with him to the art building and helped him cut stuff out for his project. We were there until 3am! Yikes. Obviously I didn't drive back to Brown, so I slept there. It's always nice to do that, but I don't like his bed there. We had to get up at 7:30. I ended up getting stuck in traffic anyway so I didn't make my 9am class, which sucks because I sometimes (and this is a recent thing that never used to happen) sleep through it and that upsets me. It was all right though...nice weather and all. I read the BDH, and had a snack before class at 11. After class I went to Marshfield to do research! Big surprise. I have stuff due in 2 weeks and I'm getting a little nervous, not because I don't trust my abilities, but because I want to be not just satisfactory, but impressive. When I got to the beach, the tide was too high still so I attempted to nap on the deck...the sun felt great but the breeze was a bit too stiff, and made me a little cold...at least for sleeping. So then I did research. I didn't fall in today. (I don't usually fall in, but it's something that sometimes happens so I felt it was worth mentioning.) Then I tried to find a power cable for my laptop but I have to order that from the manufacturer, apparently. Now I am sitting in the Techhouse library, waiting for the meeting, and watching people juggle. Big apologies to anyone who has been discouraged by how rarely I've been updating. It's the whole thesis thing, and whereas I used to work on the page in my random blips of time, now I guess I do other stuff. Fear not, I'm not abadoning it.

4/22/01: It was in the 80s today. I slept until 12 because I needed to, and eventually (because it took a while to get underway) Liz, Shawn, and I went to Marshfield, wandered about on the beach, hung out, and then went to Iguanas. It was a short trip, but the fresh air and time away from Brown was crucial for my sanity so I am refreshed and in better shape for the week to come, which involves my thesis oral presentation and the thesis itself. I also have a project for Global Environmental Remote Sensing. Woo. I'll be busy, but it's almost over and I'm having fun, so hooray! Life is great!

5/20/01:: I've realized that there might be a slight contradiction to the way I am...I am very social, I like people, and I like talking and hanging out and I've been told that I'm fun. However...I don't really like parties all that much. I have to refine that statement. I don't like parties with people who are drunk. I don't like parties when I can't leave them at any time. Here's the real kicker- I don't like parties unless someone is paying attention to me. That may seem non-sensical. I mean, I do like to sit and listen to people talk, and I certainly don't want all eyes on me, but I like to have someone in the room caring about my existence at any given moment. I like attention, and I get annoyed when people get it by being asinine. I want attention, and I don't want to be the one weeping in the back room, puking on the carpet, or seducing strangers. I feel underappreciated today. I have done a lot for people...just being kind, y'know? I don't expect anything in return. However, I don't like feeling like I'm taken for granted. One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone listens to me long enough to trigger me into telling a story, then everyone doesn't listen. I hate that. I also dislike being told what to do in a contradictory manner...sort of like "That's too loud" then "that's too quiet" or "you're not being enthusiastic enough" then "too much enthusiasm." I should just be patient but it gets on my nerves. Then I get stubborn, and that's when things start to fall apart because I take a "too loud, eh? I'll show you loud!!!" sort of attitude. That doesn't get anything done. It doesn't make me feel better. But I do it. Why do we do things that we know are not generally helpful? When I am actually roused to anger I am very unhelpful. Not good. At all.

6/15/01: So, I am definitely in Woods Hole now...in fact I am writing from my office in Loeb 105, at the Marine Biological Laboratory. Woo! My project on Crepidula fornicata (Yes, fornicata indeed) is very interesting. I'm using them to age horseshoe crabs. I spent over 12 hours in the field on Wednesday...we got stuck in an estuary and I had to push the boat. The graduate student I was with called me "an animal". All I have to say is "grrr". I logged in here because I had to relate a funny anecdote. We got our phone yesterday, and so I was on the phone with Hannah talking about all sorts of random stuff. We were talking about the Lady Marmalade video for some reason, and just as my landlady's hippie brother walked in I said (my back was to him) "Oh my God! Isn't Christina Aguilera such a ho?" I'm sure I sounded very mature. More later.

6/25/01: The other night when Jonathan was staying at my apartment, as I was falling asleep, I saw this odd green flashing (wicked bright) on my wall...I thought it might be my weather radio alerting me to a severe storm warning or something. I got up, turned on the light, and saw that it was a firefly being bound up by the spider that lives (lived...I don't know where it is now) in the corner. That made me sad. I am very familiar with the way nature works, life, death, prey, predators...all that good stuff. However, it still made me sad. Fireflies don't hurt anyone, and they blink along happily/lasciviously on warm summer nights. I don't want to be witness to the broadcast of its death throes. I poked at it and it fell out of the web. Oh hooray. 15 minutes later (yes, I was still awake) I saw the blinking again and went to put it outside, and it was in the web again. *sigh* I still felt bad, especially since the spider was now sort of moving its body up and down, which either meant it was injecting poison or sucking the firefly's fluids. I wonder if I wouldn't have felt so bad if I had seen it on the Discovery Channel.

8/9/01: No entries in July? That's sad..when I was a sophmore at Brown I did it constantly but now I have just been too distracted. It's not like things haven't been happening though. Let's see...I saw Ira Glass speak a week or so ago. That was amazing. I went up to talk to him afterwards...and he's the first person in a long time to make me totally nervous. I dropped my program on the floor, was playing with my hair...I'm never like that! I think some people do that. Everyone has someone that just totally makes them nervous or unsure of themselves. I don't think it has anything to do with public recongnition or fame...I've met plenty of "famous" people and been totally calm. Very odd. The other exciting and random thing that has occurred is that last Wednesday (August 1st, I think) I met two retired fighter pilots (still pilots, just for commercial airlines now) at the Boathouse, talked to them all night about planes and random stuff (they were happy to talk to me since I wasn't a) hitting on them b) telling them war stories). In fact, they told me that if you are going on a plane, say hi to the pilots...they like it. Anyway, I ended up giving them a ride to their hotel. On Sunday I went to the Cape Cod Air Show and chatted with the people who were in charge of the F-4 Phantom II the pilots had flown (for the air show, but not in the air show). I told them how I had helped out Steve and Harry, and they let me get closer to the plane after the show, which was very cool. It's a sexy plane. The air show was fun...ceiling was a little low so things were a bit subdued. There was a jet-powered Lincoln Navigator that crashed, which was scary. My favorite part of the air show were the dragonflies I saw flitting around. It definitely got me thinking...yeah, so we can do all these amazing things with our metal and fuel, but we still don't have the skills that nature built into insects and birds. Show me a plane that's like a dragonfly, can hover, fly backwards, fly very fast, and eat other planes out of midair for fuel...and I will be both impressed and scared. I've been having a lot of fun lately, both in and out of work. The interns hang out a lot, which is always something interesting, not matter what we do or where we are. I have a good time in the field with Debbie and Ruth...lots of good conversation. My paper was due yesterday which was a big stress though...I was here all night because Ivan switched things around at the last moment. I ended up only sleeping for 1 hour, on the thinly carpeted concrete of my office floor, wrapping myself in a cotton dress, Stefano's towel, and Marci's sweatshirt. The presentation is next Wednesday. Today I am going to work on that and enjoy my new haircut...it's shorter (finally off my neck!) and all trimmed underneath where my spastic curls resided...now it's all fuzzy. I keep touching it because I've never had that on my own head, and only touched it on other people's heads. It feels like "boy hair". Speaking of boys, I haven't seen Jonathan in a while...it's weird. We hardly talked last week. I will see him this weekend though, so I am not too concerned, just a little perplexed at how we could go so long without conversation and not feel frustrated.

8/16/01: I went to Radiohead recently, and while there I was feeling very misanthropic and wanted to write here all about it...but the bitterness isn't in me anymore, particularly since I just finished my first paper for publication...a big relief. A summary of the misanthropy? The following behaviors should be outlawed (at least at concerts): smoking (cigarettes, cloves, pipes, cigars, and especially pot), being really drunk, dancing too enthusiastically for the space you're in (thus whacking people), pushing through crowds unapologetically, poor hygiene (body odor, dirty hair, general skank)...I think that's it. It was an outdoor venue, and the smoke was still intolerable...I was almost to the point of passing out from low blood sugar anyway, and the decrease in air quality around me almost pushed me over the edge. Drunkenness...enough said. I've had too many experiences with the reduced mental states of people who may already be dim bulbs. You don't dance at Radiohead concerts, particularly waving your arms around like a freak, and jumping up and down so the view of the people behind you is blocked as you do it (on, off, on, off...).I've found that the best solution is a well-placed "accidental" elbow to the ribs. "I'm sorry...you apparently danced too closely and too enthusiastically and crashed into my elbow." Pushing through crowds? Apologize...I understand that we all have somewhere to go, but saying "excuse me" or "sorry" doesn't waste any time. Finally, hygiene. Why would someone decide to be nasty? I refuse to believe that some of the skanky people I've encountered can't help it. Wash! Take care of your oozing self! Hm...perhaps I can still summon the ire. Eh, anyway, I'm happy, and most people are wonderful.

9/10/01: I'm now all "officially" in grad school. I'm not currently taking a class because my advisor suggested that I do research instead for the first block. That's cool with me...especially since salt marshes are at their peak in September. It's odd though...I feel like I am in a slight limbo between being given distinct tasks and being allowed to create everything on my own. Interesting combination. So...it's in the mid-70's and rather humid, but apparently there's a cold front coming through tomorrow and then it will be in the 60's, which is preferable once the months end with "-ber". I want to wear sweaters (as Ryan said, "Much better to be rugged up in coarse woolen jumpers and long trousers") and eat apples and squash and do all that autumn stuff. I'd also like to be able to see Jonathan regularly, but we're the furthest away we've ever been (with the exception of when I was in Washington or Jamaica), I think. It is sort of odd here socially...this summer there were interns to hang out with, but recently it seems that my social life is a lot of sitting at the house with a book, which I love, don't get me wrong, but it's not a social life. I think I may have to go to Providence and visit people there, or maybe go to Boston and visit Hannah.

10/11/01: Things have been a little surreal lately. Coincidental with some minor tiffs with Jonathan, two different people that I haven't talked to in years all sort of entered my online world yesterday. It was good to talk to them. The first, Emmett, is a friend of mine who I lost contact with because first I was away (East/West) and then he was away (Spain), but now we're talking again, and that makes me very happy. I hate losing people...in the sense that you remember when they were your friend but now you have no idea where they are, what they're doing. This is of course for cases of people leaving one's life just out of circumstance, not because they turned into a fool and you don't want to be friends with them anymore. The second person was Lawrence. Anyone who has only read this and doesn't know me probably doesn't know who Lawrence is, and if you do, it's not in relation to me, probably. Anyway, Lawrence and I were together back in 1998 ("met in the springtime at a rock and roll show", actually), but became un-together when it became obvious that despite how much we have in common and how well we got along, there were certain differences between us that would not have worked in the long run. That's fine, and happens, but the thing that was sad is that we didn't talk to each other much after that. I saw him at a concert in 1999 (TMBG, Bowery Ballroom), but we have been virtually incommunicado. Now we're talking to each other, and that particularly makes me happy because he's an amazing person and definitely not someone I wanted to "lose", as it were. In connection to that, I've been reading a lot of online journals lately. I wonder how many people actually read mine, because it's not on a particular journal site. Would my dear readership (which I hope includes more people than just myself) prefer the use of a journal site? It's another bookmark to add to your collection, a few more seconds to go there instead of here, perhaps. As many online journal writers often say, "Does anybody actually read this?"

10/24/01: Today was a wonderful and cozy fall day. Also a Sunday. What should I have been doing, ideally? Let's make a little list of good activities for this sort of time: choosing a pumpkin, carving said pumpkin, roasting and eating seeds from said pumpkin, chopping and/or stacking firewood, drinking tea, reading something engaging but not overly thought provoking, picking. eating, or baking apples in some fashion, raking leaves, collecting attractive leaves, writing in a journal, writing a story, writing poetry, going for a bicycle ride, going for a walk, talking, visiting family...yeah. So, what did I do? I did research. Of course I shouldn't complain or mislead you...the research did entail rowing a rowboat around a glassy pond surrounded by changing leaves. I am getting homesick though, or perhaps just "free-time-sick." I miss Jonathan very very very much. He got a hair cut, almost all shaved...so it's all fuzzy. I had dinner with him on Friday, but didn't get nearly enough time with him. Jonathan and I flourish in the fall. We first got together on September 12th, 3 years ago. After a hiatus during the spring and summer of 1999, we got back together on October 19th (so our 2 year anniversary is this Friday.) Now...what to get him...

10/16/01 Here's a little public service announcement from the Sara Department of Health and Human Services..."Smokers Stink!" Smokers often smell like an old ashtray. It's nasty. But really...what is the deal with people still smoking? Everyone knows they cause cancer and alienation. Don't start, I guess that's the important issue, but if you have...make an effort. It's your life! I don't know...it just amazes me that that many people can be so ignorant (and it is ignorant to pretend you're not killing youself.)

11/6/01: Gah. I just wrote a whole big entry and then my connection was "reset by peer". Damn peer is always making things difficult. I am going to track down this peer of mine and give them a stern talking to, and tell them I don't want them as a peer. Aaaaanyway...the entry was about how it's blustery and feels like November finally. It was also about how I am having the best time I've had ever at this lab, as the teaching fellow for Marine Mammals, and how everything else I've done is how my life is going to be for the next 5 years, and how that sucks. I'm not doing anything about it yet, but it is making me nervous. I would hate to do the wrong thing.

11/13/01: Easily grossed out by blood and guts? Don't read this entry. Today we did a seal necropsy. I realized it was the first time that I've seen the inside of a mammal. The fetal pig in high school didn't count because it was all formalin-soaked and had latex in its veins. Meat doesn't count either. This was an animal...with organs and blood and everything looking not at all like a diagram and yet so familiar to a student of any sort of anatomy. At one point, when all the blood was draining towards me on the table, I got a little dizzy and faint, which is a) atypical for me doing science and b) something that I didn't want or encourage because I'm not only the Teaching Fellow, but I was also really interested. Seals are very bloody...they have a high blood volume as a diving adaptation. (Their lungs also take up 2/3 of their body cavity...another adaptation to diving.) It's just surreal to look down at the organs and structure of something and think "Hey, that's how I'm put together." At the end, we removed the head. The head was separate from the body! It was amazing. Apparently after they've been dead for a while (which this one had) the brain just gets all goopy, so we didn't open it up or anything. I don't think I could be a surgeon (not that I was headed that way anyway) but anatomy is the coolest thing...I've always loved it. Tomorrow we're looking at a pilot whale and a harbor porpoise. That's going to be even more insane.

11/14/01: Yeah...I was right, it was insane...but also really, really cool! Since I was just listening to XTC and my favorite song of theirs is "Senses Working Overtime" I think I will approach today via my 5 senses... (also possibly "gross" like yesterday)
Sight: deep red blood and muscle tissue, cream colored blubber, shiny black skin, amazingly large anatomical features...also a pinkish -orange sunset
Sound:: the squish of tissue, the crackling of fascia, the scape of a blade...and the sound of my friends laughing
Touch: a sharp blade slicing through muscle tissue and blubber, the feel of having my hand inside another animal (and even more intriguing, inside the dorsal aorta!),smooth skin, feeling for the natural divisions in tissues...also various pats on the back and handshakes when I went out to the Captain Kidd
Smell: overwhemling (at least for a few minutes) smell of decay, metallic smelling blood, latex gloves, anti-bacterial soap...salty freah air off Vinyard Sound.
Taste: Luckily nothing related to the necropsies, but I did have a bran muffin for breakfast, some coffee milk, rye toast, and eggs for lunch, leftover veggie fried rice for dinner, and a root beer.
Yeah...it was just amazing overall. Very good day. A long day, but a worthwhile one.

11/29/01: So, things are going well...taking Microbial Ecology and enjoying the peaceful feeling of peering at things through a microscope. I had Christmas lights in my office, but the JOYLESS people who run this institution (did you hear me? you are JOYLESS) made me take them down. They are apparently hazardous. Have you looked around? This is a scientific institution filled with slippery places, poisonous, radioactive, and otherwise dangerous chemicals...and you're worried about a strand of little light bulbs? Add another large group of people to the list of people who need to have a reality check.

12/11/01:I get to go home in a week or so (the 19th), which is so exciting because I need a break. I am afraid that Ivan will make me come back early to write grants...but we're having a meeting about that in 15 minutes so I'll know soon. My project for Microbial, with Heather, Aron, and Lauralea, is..well, it's going to be interesting but I feel like we're moving very slowly. Slogging through wait-time while shells are dissolved by HCl and organics are removed by bleach. Meanwhile, I am trying to cross off various parts of my to-do list. I have to start writing Christmas cards soon. I have a lot to do and I am not sure when I'll do it...luckily it's all busy, random stuff which I don't mind doing. This evening I'll probably go harass Joseph at Starbucks, then maybe get a little shopping done, and after that perhaps do some laundry. Things are getting festive...lights up on people's houses, and the radio station that usually plays "80's and more" is now playing all Christmas music. I never realized there were so many jazzy, loungy renditions of Christmas songs.

12/13/01: I received a postcard today addressed to:
Dr. S.P. Grady
Marine Program
Boston University
Marine Biological Laboratory
Woods Hole, MA 02543
USA

On the other side it said "Dear Dr. Grady: I would appreciate receiving a reprint of your article: Age structure of the Pleasant Bay population of C...Biol. Bull.201(2):296-297 (2001 Oct). Thank you very much for your consideration. Sincerely, Dr Thomas Novitsky."
Heh...a little taste of the pride I'll eventually feel from having a PhD. By the way, that is the reference for my article (my first published article, how proud am I?), so if you want to read it...well, either check to see if you can get it online from your university or organization, and if not, ask me (calling me Dr. Grady will make me happier to respond...just kidding) and I will send you a reprint.

12/20/01: I'm having an amazing day so far. Besides my class being over, which means that my time here at the lab is self-scheduled and more productive, it just feels good today. It's sort of warm outside, but the temperature is supposed to drop through the day and we might even get some snow tonight...or at least it will fall from the sky and melt on the ground. I can't make big snow demands in Woods Hole. I also got two wonderful treats in my mailbox today. The first was a little red felt bag filled with candy, tied with a green ribbon, with a little "Merry Christmas" note. The second was a letter from the brilliant, amazing, and heartwarming Christopher Crew. The envelope was a page from a magazine. The letter was written on the back of a handout about emotional first aid. The content itself was delightful in every way. Oh, I love getting letters from friends...

1/12/02: Uh, yeah. So, I guess the biggest update in my life is that Jonathan broke up with me on 12/30 (welll...the process began on 12/29 but it culminated and was finalized on the 30th). I'm not going to make lame comments and do lame things like I did the last time he broke up with me (see the first ramble ever, in the archives, for this...) But yeah, it is so. We're very close still, in fact he was here for the past week Saturday-Thursday. Some call it insane, I call it "not losing touch". Other than that...I have the next week off still (by my own design and planning), so I am going to try to do something fun. At the moment I'm home totally alone in Harvard. Hannah's back at school. Mom's on a cruise. I am in the basement eating tastylicious stir fry and about to watch a movie. I wanted to get a cheesy surf movie but couldn't find them so I got Dangerous Liasons and Blow, and will instead investigate the devilish face of humanity, but in a way that won't make me feel awful for too long.

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