v Sarabellum: Wet and Salty

I hear things all the time and think "I want to remember that." Now not only can I remember it, but you can remember it without even experiencing it yourself!!
If you're going "Where are the professor quotes?" I have to tell you that unfortunately we all have to grow up someday, and when we do, there are implications to recording on the internet the time your professor was inappropriate. So...I had to get rid of it before it caused me problems. I still have them on my computer so if you really liked one of them, I can find it for you.

"This is the best wonton soup I've ever had...it's like...wonton lust." -me

"A factory in Baghdad may produce lethal anthrax, beer...or both." -news brief on Iraqi bomb targets,BDH,11/13/98

"You know what would be fun? To be encased in a Jell-o mold." -me

"I have great respect for any tree I can't fit my arms around." -Chris Crew

"Asses aren't like oranges." -me

"You get below this line...no turkey for you!" -my Calculus TA Ming Sheu, on the consequences of getting less than an A

"Yes I am Chinese. Yes I have ex-girlfriend. I am not a Communist because I from Taiwan." -my Calculus TA Ming Sheu, when someone mentioned the iodine poisoning incident

"Trilobites proved to be a noble and worthy arthropod for millions of years and should be remembered fondly." -Liz's conclusion to her bio paper

"Sorry, Sara, but I don't have a 'Random-Shit-O-Meter' in my head like you do." -Grey

"Newton rocks my world." -Scott H.

"Oh, stop with the sexual innuendo using raw meat..." -Mark

Hannah:"It's so sad that James Van Der Beek has Parkinson's Disease..."
Me:"He does? Oh..."
Hannah:"Ha ha ha...wow...you are so gullible."

BucketBoy4:yeah... but it's good to spread my musical wisdom
Nekton64:especially down there! [North Carolina]
BucketBoy4:yes, I love spreading musical wisdom to my genitals
Nekton64:heh heh....brings a whole new meaning to Jock Jam -Mark and I on AIM

"What is that? A fat donkey?" -Scott F, referring to my hippo on the mural

Me: He thinks I'm all innocent.
Jonathan: How could he think that and still *know* you?

Runa: There were some lunchboxes with Hindu gods sticking their tongue out in the window of that store, right next to the Madeline and Curious George lunchboxes. That's sacrelige. Our friend went in there and said "Did you know that people bow down and shout that person's name repeatedly every morning?"
Me: Curious George! Curious George!

"Careful: small objects, like hard candies, may inadvertently become lodged in the throat." -the Jolly Rancher wrapper

"I positively skewed...your mom!" -Dan Morris, making a bad statistics joke

"Is it weird that my image of the future revolves around a marine biology doctoral thesis, fooling around with friends, and leftover Chinese food?"- me

"Well, sorry I don't live in a co-op and eat beans all day!" -me to Grey, during a tirade on certain "granola" people

"I was just thinking about that actually... I think if she were a he, we would be a perfect couple. We are very similar, have great personalities, find a lot of the same stuff enjoyable... It's her vagina that I have issues with, however..." -Grey, when asked if he'd date the person who sent him a survey (me), if he weren't gay.

"Next time, Sara, wear clothes..." -Priya, in response to me wearing a long-sleeved shirt, a knit skirt, and shoes with no socks while it was snowing

"Hey, whatever you're on must be really good shit! Can I get some doses?" - random druggie in downtown Providence to me

"I have friends who say lewd things, but none of them are as socially unacceptable as you and Dave." -Chris Crew

"You are beach yummy, sar." -Hannah

"You know the most random-ass shit! It's like, here's a fact! *gestures like pulling something out of her ass* and here's a fact! *gestures again*" -Jamie

Vivek: Sara, you're just a big Care Bear.
Dan: Actually, it would be really scary to have a 6 foot tall Care Bear giving you the Care Bear stare.

Dan: Is there a generic brand of crack rock?
Me: Yes. Star Brand Cracky Stones.

"Well, we can still dance dirty." -Alyssa

"Sara, you're about as fragile a victim as a 20 ton shark." -Veronica

"Smile or I'll kick your ass." - Liz to Mike

"i don't know why, but i have given up on trying to figure out where sara's happiness comes from...perhaps she has a little blue pill, the color of the sea on a cloudless day, or perhaps she says a spell, whispered into the night like the grating roar of pebbles dragged back by the waves...i miss sara's beach house..." - Kali Wallace in the Techhouse minutes

"Sara: I like the porn music. DIE!!!!" - Kali putting words in my mouth, again in the Techhouse minutes

"So as to woo future suitors, I must learn as much as I can about Linux." -me

"Whoa, girl! You have the most gorgeous eyes. Mmmm-hmmm! I mean, don't get put off or anything, but I wish I had my camera so I could take a picture to hang on my wall." -a guy who walked by while I was waiting to get into the Moxy Fruvous concert (aka Pimp #1)

"Hey everybody! Are you cool? Are you mello jello? Yeah, I'm just Edgar Allen Poe slidin' on by in technicolor." -Pimp #2 (and he was! He sure dressed and talked like a stereotypical pimp)

"i love you sara...you're the greatest human being ever to swim in the vast oceans of this earth...you are the model of all that is...and all that will become... if you did not exist the human race would go caput in a puddle of boredom..." -Pete, trying to win my favor

"By definition, any video game that takes a man away from a woman is a bad video game." -Liz

"Your eyes are so beautiful....so big and a bright shade of blue...wow...and you have a wonderful smile, nice full lips...your face is truly riveting." -the woman at the Aveda store

"We need for it to be 11 in the morning instead of at night, and to have little umbrellas, and two guys either rubbing our backs or fanning us." -Moriah

"Cheap yellow mustard is better than Grey Poupon. Grey Poupon belongs in the trash heap. Grey Poop-On." - Dad

sara honored friend
did stay by me loyally
cheerful spring flower - a haiku by Jonathan

"DAMN!!!!!!! Babay got an thouroughly comprehensive command of the english language!" - Brant

"like the biggest softest beanbag chair... with built in seat warming...and head rest... and neck massage." -Jonathan describing me

"I couldn't decide if that was scuba gear or a bag, then I realized it was scuba gear." -Laura

"I was your typical goofy happy friendly drunk... I had sex with a chair." -Mark

"I have fangs, but they are in a pair of pants I can't find right now." - Veronica

"Did I ever tell you the story about me pegging the blind kid in my gym class and all the mean girls got mad at me?I mean, if you're blind, you don't play dodgeball...that's just it." -me talking to Hannah

The toaster here is a bagel toaster. It only toasts one side, so you have to flip the bread midway. What kind of ass thought that up? I mean, bagels are supposed to be toasted on 2 sides anyway. -me to Hannah

"I would work there. It's good money....they can't touch you. I have breasts may as well objectify them." - Hannah discussing Hooters

"This is going to be short and sweet and to the point, which is how I like it." - Sean

"If you picture an elephant with no legs, that has nothing to do with this presentation but it's a funny picture." -Sean

"I would have gotten deep sea samples but I ran out of government funding." - Mike Murray

"It's doing it! It's doing it! I told it not to!" - me

"Oh, that's your hair! I thought it was a piece of algae! - Silvia to me

Me: We had a huge jerk chicken barbecue.
Jonathan: I am not all that clear as to what a huge jerk chicken is.

"When I think about plants and animals, I know that a plant grows faster than a cat." - Addie

"Maybe we could lock Pietrak up and go put some quadrats down." - Ben

"Hold on one moment. I'm sitting on a cracker." - Josh

Alexis: What kind of birds are those out there? I don't have my glasses on.
Me:Oh, those are swimmers.
Alexis:Oooh, what are those?
Me:People who go in the water and swim.

"Hey! There are no black snacks in my 'minority snacks'!" - Hannah

"If I were a gay guy, I would jack off to N'SYNC every day." - Hannah

Me: Oooh, candy!
Jonathan: It's not just the candy! It's the fact that I didn't eat it! -after Jonathan gave me some candy

Jeanette: What's that limbo thing called?
Sean: You mean, the limbo?
Jeanette: Yeah, that's it.

Sara: A can of corn is called niblets.
Jonathan: Ah, see...I'd just call it a can of corn, and since you can't fit a whole cob of corn in a can, you'd know it was the kernels.
S: OK...but what if there was a corn cob in the can?
J: What, like little pieces of corncob? I'd say it's time to get yourself a new corn provider.

Sara: Serge, what's the difference between living with 4 supermodels and living with 4 normal women?
Shawn: Techhouse, and the movie [Head Over Heels]
Sara: Techhouse has 4 normal women?

"Then again, if you went to law school, you'd find some way to fall in the mud." - Mark, referring of course to me

"I'm a freakin' predator." - Me

"Yes, hi...you have a visitor...yes, a beautiful visitor." - the secretary at NMFS on the phone to a guy I was visiting

"I love that brain." - Stefano (about me)

Me: We did a seal necropsy today.
Jonathan: Is that like an autopsy?
Me: Yeah, a dissection, except it's not something that's been all preserved in formalin or something.
Jonathan:I hope I don't have to cut up dead asians when I go to grad school.

"Ohhh...I need to go home now and play with Mr. Rubby...ten minutes with Mr. Rubby and I'm allll better." - a woman who has requested anonymity

"All I had was a rubber and a thong...so in other words, I was in flip-flops and carrying an eraser." - Stefano, my dear Australian friend

"You're very fishy-looking." -Shawn, to my fish patterned toga

"The Port of Providence was under high security today for the arrival of a tanker filled with liquid cocaine, uh, propane..." -

Sara: The divergence is like looking into a cereal bowl and the convergence is looking at the bottom of a cereal bowl.
classmate: I want some cereal.
Sara: Well, I guess it could be any bowl, not just for cereal.
classmate: A 420 bowl? It's just like high school.
Sara: 420 bowl then bowl of cereal.

Stefano (keep in mind he has an Australian accent): I will just do a search on ASFA [Aquatic Sciences and Fisheries Abstracts]...
Kevin and Sara: Ha! Ass Fur!

Librarian 1 (talking about me with another librarian): Doesn't she have the most beautiful face? She's so beautiful.
Me: Oh...thanks...
L1: I was just looking at your profile, and you're beautiful.
L2: Yeah, she's a movie star. Marine biologist, movie star...she does it all!

"Stop dragging your jacket through my chicken." - Mom to Hannah

"Ugh...those little penises. I hate those things." - Mom, while poking at the mushrooms in my Thai food

"You're only blaming Bill because he's dead!!" - Meech, when we were pretending to be returning for our 20th reunion

"He has not grounds to be all up in my grill like this." - Hannah

Me: If I had a Republican dog, I'd name it "Clambake"!
Jen: I think that's the definition of a non sequitur.

Me: So, you talked to Stefano?
Mom: Yeah...some British guy.
Me: He's Australian, not British.
Mom: Well, how am I supposed to know that? I'm not a linguist!

"The next time the science gets bad, just remember that it could be worse. You could be douching monkeys." - Virginia

"The ocean has been wonderful lately....clear and cold, just how I like it...I'm like an olive in a dirty martini." - Me

"Wow, that looks pretty pink...have you been touching it?" -Me, checking out a suspicious bump on Marci's forearm

Sara: I think our national bird should have been the turkey. Listen to Ben Franklin.
Mark: he's my favorite forefather
Sara: me too
Sara: I think he deserves more respect
Sara: although he is on the $100 bill, aka. Benjamin
Sara: which is what it's all about
Sara: the hokey pokey and Ben Franklin

"You listen to music for people who do ecstasy and shrooms." - Hannah, while listening to a MiniDisc mix in my car

"I hope they have Dance Dance Revolution. I don't like making promises I can't keep." - Me

"So, say I were to be attacked by you, except not you. Someone who was you, but didn't have the skills you have because if it were you I'd be dead. And they were male. So...say I were attacked by a short skill-less man." - Me, in kyusho jitsu class, talking to my teacher

"If I suck on something sour and laugh at the same time it makes my ears hurt." - Me to Ricky while eating Vitamin C drops

Me: Wow...condoms, necklaces, a headband...
Kara: Yup, you never leave Kara's without party favors.
- after Kara gave me all sorts of random stuff while she packed to move to New Zealand.

"Oh look! 'My First Noah's Ark'. Everything two by two...except for Noah. Well...there goes the future of the human race."- me to Joe in KBToys

"Oh, you thought I said that I study horseshoe crabs? I meant that I'm a professional horseshoe player and I have crabs." - Joe, mocking me

"So what you're telling me is that those little white things crawling in my hair aren't my karma?" -me (and the singular form of "karma" is "karm")

Me: Ohhhh yeah! Just like the Kool-Aid Man.
Joe: Glad to know that a giant pitcher of juice is bringing you so much pleasure.

"You're only in it for the bugs, the sex, and the dog." - Joe

"You're disgusting. I'm leaving. As soon as I finish with this Pez dispenser, I'm gone." - Me

Me: Here's how I see it: Arrive, hook up (to get rid of that initial tension), spend some time in post-hookup bliss, go do something boring that you have to do, maybe hook up again or eat something, watch some tv or play video games, more hooking up (perhaps), more mundane stuff...
Mark: That would be just about right...you pretty much summed up the ideal day for a man, right there. Me: I'm so a man when it comes to my daily planning.

S: Does that mix have any filberts in it? What are those anyway?
J: Filberts are hazelnuts.
S: Oh. My mom always called them filberts. I like hazelnuts.
J: What do you make hummus out of?
S: Chickpeas. Or I suppose...
J: Garbanzo beans.
S: It depends on what the can says, I think. The Goya can says garbanzo beans. ... There's something else like that. Is there another name for lima beans? In Britain?
J: I don't know...maybe it's like quito peas or montevideo onions.
S: What does that have to do with garbanzo beans?
J: They're all South American capitals, moron.

J: What are you doing?
S: facebook.com.
J: what? facefuck?

[While trying to have me guess the 4 active compounds in Listerine]
J: Methyl salicylate...sort of like cloves. It's a Christmasy smell.

J: You like the way I eat pudding.

J: What's that about dungarees?
S: Ugh. I hate that word.
J: How about trousers?
S: Which jersey do you want to wear with those?
J: I'd prefer a blouse.
S: Or some slacks?

Joe: What? I called you a Sea Hunt! The 1950's show with Lloyd Bridges as a scuba diver!

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