I hear things all the time and think "I want to remember that." Now not
only can I remember it, but you can remember it without even
experiencing it
yourself!! "This
is the best wonton soup I've ever had...it's like...wonton lust."
-me "A factory in Baghdad may produce lethal anthrax, beer...or both."
-news brief on Iraqi bomb targets,BDH,11/13/98 "You know what would be fun? To be encased in a Jell-o mold."
-me "I have great respect for any tree I can't fit my arms
around."
-Chris Crew "Asses aren't like oranges."
-me "You get below this line...no turkey for you!" -my Calculus TA Ming
Sheu,
on the consequences of getting less than an A "Yes I am Chinese. Yes I have ex-girlfriend. I am not a Communist
because I from Taiwan." -my Calculus TA Ming Sheu, when someone
mentioned the iodine poisoning incident "Trilobites proved to be a noble and worthy arthropod for millions of
years and should be remembered fondly." -Liz's conclusion to her bio
paper "Sorry, Sara, but I don't have a 'Random-Shit-O-Meter' in my head
like you do." -Grey "Newton rocks my world." -Scott
H. "Oh, stop with the sexual innuendo using raw meat..." -Mark Hannah:"It's so sad that James Van Der Beek has Parkinson's
Disease..." BucketBoy4:yeah... but it's good to spread my musical wisdom "What is that? A fat donkey?" -Scott F, referring to my hippo on the
mural Me: He thinks I'm all innocent. Runa: There were some lunchboxes with Hindu gods sticking their tongue
out in the window of that store, right next to the Madeline and Curious
George lunchboxes. That's sacrelige. Our friend went in there and said
"Did you know that people bow down and shout that person's name repeatedly
every morning?" "Careful: small objects, like hard candies, may inadvertently become
lodged in the throat." -the Jolly Rancher wrapper "I positively skewed...your mom!" -Dan Morris, making a bad statistics
joke "Is it weird that my image of the future revolves around a marine
biology doctoral thesis, fooling around with friends, and leftover Chinese
food?"- me "Well, sorry I don't live in a co-op and eat
beans all day!"
-me to Grey, during a tirade on certain "granola" people "I was
just thinking about that actually... I think if she were a he, we would be
a perfect couple. We are very similar, have great personalities, find a
lot
of the same stuff enjoyable... It's her vagina that I have issues with,
however..." -Grey, when asked if he'd date the person who sent him a
survey (me), if he weren't gay. "Next time, Sara, wear clothes..." -Priya, in response to me wearing a
long-sleeved shirt, a knit skirt, and shoes with no socks while it was
snowing "Hey, whatever you're on must be really good shit! Can I get
some doses?" - random druggie in downtown Providence to me "I have friends who say lewd things, but none of them are as socially
unacceptable as you and Dave." -Chris Crew "You are beach yummy, sar." -Hannah "You know the most random-ass shit! It's like, here's a fact!
*gestures like pulling something out of her ass* and here's a fact!
*gestures again*" -Jamie Vivek: Sara, you're just a big Care Bear. Dan: Is there a generic brand of crack rock? "Well, we can still dance dirty." -Alyssa "Sara, you're about as fragile a victim as a 20 ton shark."
-Veronica "Smile or I'll kick your ass." - Liz to Mike "i don't know
why, but i have given up on trying to figure out where sara's happiness
comes from...perhaps she has a little blue pill, the color of the sea on
a
cloudless day, or perhaps she says a spell, whispered into the night
like
the grating roar of pebbles dragged back by the waves...i miss sara's
beach house..." - Kali Wallace in the Techhouse minutes "Sara: I like the porn music. DIE!!!!" - Kali putting words in my
mouth, again in the Techhouse minutes "So as to woo future suitors, I must learn as much as I can about
Linux." -me "Whoa, girl! You have the most gorgeous eyes. Mmmm-hmmm! I mean,
don't get put off or anything, but I wish I had my camera so I could
take a picture to hang on my wall." -a guy who walked by while I was
waiting to get into the Moxy Fruvous concert (aka Pimp #1) "Hey everybody! Are you cool? Are you mello jello? Yeah, I'm just
Edgar Allen Poe slidin' on by in technicolor." -Pimp #2 (and he was! He
sure dressed and talked like a stereotypical pimp) "i love you sara...you're the greatest human being ever to swim in
the vast oceans of this earth...you are the model of all that is...and
all that will become... if you did not exist the human race would go
caput in a puddle of boredom..." -Pete, trying to win my favor "By definition, any video game that takes a man away from a woman is
a bad video game." -Liz "Your eyes are so beautiful....so big and a bright shade of
blue...wow...and you have a wonderful smile, nice full lips...your face
is truly riveting." -the woman at the Aveda store "We need for it to be 11 in the morning instead of at night, and to
have little umbrellas, and two guys either rubbing our backs or fanning
us." -Moriah "Cheap yellow mustard is better than Grey Poupon. Grey Poupon belongs
in the trash heap. Grey Poop-On." - Dad sara honored friend "DAMN!!!!!!! Babay got an thouroughly comprehensive command of the
english language!" - Brant "like the biggest softest beanbag chair... with built in seat
warming...and head rest... and neck massage." -Jonathan describing me "I couldn't decide
if that was scuba gear or a bag, then I realized
it was scuba gear." -Laura "I was your typical goofy happy friendly drunk... I had sex with a
chair." -Mark "I have fangs, but they are in a pair of pants I
can't find right now." - Veronica "Did I ever tell you the story about me pegging the blind kid
in my
gym class and all the mean girls got mad at me?I mean, if you're
blind, you don't play dodgeball...that's just
it."
-me talking to Hannah The toaster here is a bagel toaster. It only toasts one side, so you
have to flip the bread midway. What kind of ass thought that up? I mean,
bagels are supposed to be toasted on 2 sides anyway. -me to Hannah "I would work there. It's good money....they can't touch you. I
have breasts may as well objectify them." - Hannah discussing Hooters "This is going to be short and sweet and to the point, which is
how I like it." - Sean "If you picture an elephant with no legs, that has nothing to
do with this presentation but it's a funny picture." -Sean
"I would have gotten deep sea samples but I ran out of
government funding." - Mike Murray "It's
doing it! It's doing it! I told it not to!" - me "Oh, that's your hair! I thought it was a piece of algae! - Silvia
to me Me: We had a huge jerk chicken barbecue. "When I think about plants and animals, I know that a plant grows
faster than a cat." - Addie "Maybe we could lock Pietrak up and go put some quadrats down." -
Ben "Hold on one moment. I'm sitting on a cracker." - Josh Alexis: What kind of birds are those out there? I don't have my
glasses on. "Hey! There are no black snacks in my 'minority snacks'!" -
Hannah "If I were a gay guy, I would jack off to N'SYNC every day." -
Hannah Me: Oooh, candy! Jeanette: What's that limbo thing called? Sara: A can of corn is called niblets. Sara: Serge, what's the difference between living with 4
supermodels and living with 4 normal women? "Then again, if you went to law school, you'd find some way to
fall
in the mud." - Mark, referring of course to me "I'm a freakin' predator." - Me "Yes, hi...you have a visitor...yes, a beautiful visitor." - the
secretary at NMFS on the phone to a guy I was visiting "I love that brain." - Stefano (about me)
Me: We did a seal necropsy today. "Ohhh...I need to go home now and play with Mr. Rubby...ten
minutes with Mr. Rubby and I'm allll better." - a woman who has
requested anonymity "All I had was a rubber and a thong...so in other words, I was in
flip-flops and carrying an eraser." - Stefano, my dear Australian
friend "You're very fishy-looking." -Shawn, to my fish patterned toga "The Port of Providence was under high security today for the
arrival of a tanker filled with liquid cocaine, uh, propane..." - Sara: The divergence is like looking into a cereal bowl and the
convergence is looking at the bottom of a cereal bowl. Stefano (keep in mind he has an Australian accent): I will just do a
search on ASFA [Aquatic Sciences and Fisheries Abstracts]... Librarian 1 (talking about me with another librarian): Doesn't she have
the most beautiful face? She's so
beautiful. "Stop dragging your jacket through my chicken." - Mom to
Hannah "Ugh...those little penises. I hate those things." - Mom, while
poking at the mushrooms in my Thai food "You're only blaming Bill because he's dead!!" - Meech,
when we were pretending to be returning for our 20th reunion "He has not grounds to be all up in my grill like this." -
Hannah Me: If I had a Republican dog, I'd name it "Clambake"! Me: So, you talked to Stefano? "The next time the science gets bad, just remember that it could be
worse. You could be douching monkeys." - Virginia "The ocean has been wonderful lately....clear and cold, just how I
like it...I'm like an olive in a dirty martini." - Me "Wow, that looks pretty pink...have you been touching it?"
-Me, checking out a suspicious bump on Marci's forearm Sara: I think our national bird should have been the turkey.
Listen to Ben Franklin. "You listen to music for people who do ecstasy and shrooms." -
Hannah, while listening to a MiniDisc mix in my car "I hope they have Dance Dance Revolution. I don't like making
promises I can't keep." - Me "So, say I were to be attacked by you, except not you. Someone who
was you, but didn't have the skills you have because if it were you
I'd be dead. And they were male. So...say I were attacked by a short
skill-less man." - Me, in kyusho jitsu class, talking to my
teacher "If I suck on something sour and laugh at the same time it makes
my ears hurt." - Me to Ricky while eating Vitamin C drops Me: Wow...condoms, necklaces, a headband... "Oh look! 'My First Noah's Ark'. Everything two by two...except for
Noah. Well...there goes the future of the human race."- me to Joe in
KBToys "Oh, you thought I said that I study horseshoe crabs? I meant that I'm
a
professional horseshoe player and I have crabs." - Joe, mocking me "So what you're telling me is that those little white things crawling
in my hair aren't my karma?" -me (and the singular form of "karma" is
"karm") Me: Ohhhh yeah! Just like the Kool-Aid Man. "You're only in it for the bugs, the sex, and the dog." - Joe "You're disgusting. I'm leaving. As soon as I finish with this Pez
dispenser, I'm gone." - Me Me: Here's how I see it: Arrive, hook up (to get rid of that initial
tension), spend some time in post-hookup bliss, go do something boring
that you have to do, maybe hook up again or eat something, watch some tv
or play video games, more hooking up (perhaps), more mundane stuff... S: Does that mix have any filberts in it? What are those anyway? J: What are you doing? [While trying to have me guess the 4 active compounds in
Listerine] J: You like the way I eat pudding. J: What's that about dungarees? Joe: What? I called you a Sea Hunt! The 1950's show with Lloyd
Bridges as a scuba diver!
If you're going "Where are the professor quotes?" I have to
tell you that unfortunately we all have to grow up someday, and
when we do, there are implications to recording on the internet
the time your professor was inappropriate. So...I had to get rid
of it before it caused me problems. I still have them on my
computer so if you really liked one of them, I can find it for
you.
Me:"He does? Oh..."
Hannah:"Ha ha ha...wow...you are so gullible."
Nekton64:especially down there! [North Carolina]
BucketBoy4:yes, I love spreading musical wisdom to my genitals
Nekton64:heh heh....brings a whole new meaning to Jock Jam -Mark and I on
AIM
Jonathan: How could he think that and still *know* you?
Me: Curious George! Curious George!
Dan: Actually, it would be really scary to have a 6 foot tall Care Bear
giving you the Care Bear stare.
Me: Yes. Star Brand Cracky Stones.
did stay by me loyally
cheerful spring
flower - a haiku by Jonathan
Jonathan: I am not all that clear as to what a huge jerk chicken
is.
Me:Oh, those are swimmers.
Alexis:Oooh, what are those?
Me:People who go in the water and swim.
Jonathan: It's not just the candy! It's the fact that I didn't eat
it! -after Jonathan gave me some candy
Sean: You mean, the limbo?
Jeanette: Yeah, that's it.
Jonathan: Ah, see...I'd just call it a can of corn, and since you
can't fit a whole cob of corn in a can, you'd know it was the
kernels.
S: OK...but what if there was a corn cob in the can?
J: What, like little pieces of corncob? I'd say it's time to get
yourself a new corn provider.
Shawn: Techhouse, and the movie [Head Over Heels]
Sara: Techhouse has 4 normal women?
Jonathan: Is that like an autopsy?
Me: Yeah, a dissection, except it's not something that's been all
preserved in
formalin or something.
Jonathan:I hope I don't have to cut up dead asians when I go to grad
school.
classmate: I want some cereal.
Sara: Well, I guess it could be any bowl, not just for cereal.
classmate: A 420 bowl? It's just like high school.
Sara: 420 bowl then bowl of cereal.
Kevin and Sara: Ha! Ass Fur!
Me: Oh...thanks...
L1: I was just looking at your profile, and you're beautiful.
L2: Yeah, she's a movie star. Marine biologist, movie star...she does
it all!
Jen: I think that's the definition of a non sequitur.
Mom: Yeah...some British guy.
Me: He's Australian, not British.
Mom: Well, how am I supposed to know that? I'm not a
linguist!
Mark: he's my favorite forefather
Sara: me too
Sara: I think he deserves more respect
Sara: although he is on the $100 bill, aka. Benjamin
Sara: which is what it's all about
Sara: the hokey pokey and Ben Franklin
Kara: Yup, you never leave Kara's without party favors.
- after Kara gave me all sorts of random stuff while she packed to move to
New Zealand.
Joe: Glad to know that a giant pitcher of juice is bringing you so much
pleasure.
Mark: That would be just about right...you pretty much summed up the ideal
day for a man, right there.
Me: I'm so a man when it comes to my daily planning.
J: Filberts are hazelnuts.
S: Oh. My mom always called them filberts. I like hazelnuts.
J: What do you make hummus out of?
S: Chickpeas. Or I suppose...
J: Garbanzo beans.
S: It depends on what the can says, I think. The Goya can says garbanzo
beans. ... There's something else like that. Is there another name for
lima beans? In Britain?
J: I don't know...maybe it's like quito peas or montevideo onions.
S: What does that have to do with garbanzo beans?
J: They're all South American capitals, moron.
S: facebook.com.
J: what? facefuck?
J: Methyl salicylate...sort of like cloves. It's a Christmasy smell.
S: Ugh. I hate that word.
J: How about trousers?
S: Which jersey do you want to wear with those?
J: I'd prefer a blouse.
S: Or some slacks?