Things Heard 'Round Tech House, 1998-99

• "DMLou, you can't tell me you wouldn't take free sex w/o any sort of responsibility or future come back to bite you in the ass riders?"
  -Mike Boilen, on vTH
• "Gross says: it can be a handjob without the coming."
  -Veronica, on vTH
• "Hesh says: it isnt called a handjob unless he comes right."
  -Hesh, on vTH
• "Turquoise says: It's imagining all of the people I'm talking with doing sick and twisted things online... It's making me horny baby."
  -Mike Fried, on vTH
• "Exactly. Statistically, you realize you've decreased your chance of being a billionaire by completing college, or planning too... THERE'S STILL TIME! DROP OUT NOW, BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE! ONCE YOU HAVE A DIPLOMA YOU CAN'T GIVE IT BACK!"
  -John (via talk)
• "Ah, yes, the esteemed V.P. Gore.... ugh.... I can't believe I'm going to have to choose to vote for Bill Clinton's V.P. or George Bush's son or Bob Dole's wife. ALL THE CANDIDATES ARE SEQUELS!!!"
  -John (via talk about a minute later)
• "Gross tires of battle and goes into the closet with curran."
  -Veronica, on Virtual Techhouse
• "Hesh says: I like to beat myself with a picture of Padme"
  - Hesh on the virtual Techhouse
• "I am a good slut."
  -Vivek
• "If I were a person who liked to riot, I would probably go throw a riot."
  Dan on what he would do after seeing Phantom Menace.
• "Veronica! Look at how fast this cute little thing is!"
  -Lou, regarding the iMac scanning for aliens
• "Ahhh...optimal!"
  -Sam, on the vibrating mattress
• "Sam, but sometimes you can fall into the 'ready, fire, aim' category."
  -Keith
• "In preparation of wooing future suitors, I need to learn more about Linux."
  -Sara P. Grady
• "Hello, Pimpz 'r Us... It's me, Mom"
  Lou, while answering the library telephone
• "I don't think being whipped by Iris would be so bad!"
  -Soren

• Liz - "Su is so sketchy too..."
  Soren - "I know, I like it!"
• "I don't like to mix geophysics and pleasure."
  -Liz
• "I'm scared shitless of spiders, and I will still kill them even though I know that the average spider has done more good for this planet than I will ever do."
  -Sam

• Sae: "Edgar has a big dick"
  Soren: "How would you know? Have you seen it? I know you've seen his ass. You're always talking about how hairy it is!"
• Dan: "Is there a generic kind of crack rock?"
  Sara "Pipedreams" Grady: "Yes, it's Star Brand Crackie Stones."
• "I've been having day/night dreams about forest green wire wrapping wire."
  -Soren
  "You've been wire wrapping too long, Soren"
  -Lou
• "I'm not a whore!"
  -Soren
• "I think we should replace wu-ftpd with wu_tang-ftpd!"
  -Lou
• "I'm telling you; I used this before...I've done all of this shit."
  -Sam, exclaiming over the discovery of root kit on the server
• "I hate it. It's not cheese."
  -Soren, on everything that isn't cheese
• "Keith, no."
  -Nik
• "I don't want them to have sex. I don't think their offspring would be very pretty."
  -Dan Morris
• My legs are so buff! - Anne Trafton
• Soren: "She was so ugly she had an 8 stage ass!"
  Jeff: "Your momma's so ugly she has an 8 stage ass!"
• "If you don't have a system, make one; if you can't make one, steal one; if you can't do that, at least get yourself some shades."
  -advice from Neel
• "Soren...I have an unmatched right parenthesis, and I'm going to take a nap."
  -Dan
• -In reference to Kali hitting Soren with a string...
  Veronica: "Why don't you make him get down on his knees and beg for more?"
  Kali: "He already does that."
  
• "Can you give me some tips on how to attract women?"
  -Soren to Carol, 2/18/99
  
• "Wow, Dan. I don't think I've ever seen anyone having sex!"
  -Soren to Dan, 2/18/99
• "Are you gonna come? Because if it's good enough for you, it's good enough for me."
  -Don to Su, 1/30/98
• "Dan, the only thing I want to do is get the mac set up because it's so cute."
  -Soren
• "The only Final Fantasy during finals will be getting straight A's
  -- The mangement.
  -The "mangement" needs to learn how to spell.
  -Mangement is the adverb form of 'eat' in French, whatever that means.
  -We're the mangement -- we tell other people how to spell."
  --Lou's Door. December 1998.

• "You know how old Keith is? His number starts with a 0!"
  -Veronica, commenting on Keith's SISD
• "I have a large bottle of superglue. It's ruined a lot of my pants."
  -Sara "ePoxy" Grady, 9 December 1998
• Lou and Rob on relationships (7 December 1998):
  Lou: "Who knows? Someday you might meet a very nice dust mite."
  Rob: "Perhaps. But I still wouldn't marry her."
• "Techhouse just goes into reclusion when the TV's not in the lounge."
  -Dan, 5 Dec 1998
• "If girls were nailing pigs' hearts to my door, that would be good."
  -Lucas, 2 December 1998

• "He's kind of fascinating, but completely undateable."
  -Suzanne re: Chris

• "All this stuff just sucks."
  -Dan Wobbekind, while studying invertebrates in the Techhouse library

• Mike: "Think about all the things you can do on the back of a pickup truck..."
  Nik: [stabbing with umbrella]: "Back! Back!"
  17 Nov 1998

• "There's certainly some better ways to try to kill somebody.."
  -Sam, talking about the Iodine-125 poisoning, 17 Nov 1998

• Veronica: "I wrote the ammendment on the board. If you can't read my writing, you can just deal."
  Rob: "No, if you can't read it, raise a point of personal privilege and we'll search conference staff for someone who can write legibly."
  Veronica: "You mean I can't tell them to just deal?"
  Candace Feldman (Stuyvesant HS): "We're from New York."
  Rob: "I'm from Long Island, Virgina. No!"
  --East European Summit, Brown Simulation of the United Nations, Nov 14, 1998

• "We're just Ivy League nerds . . . . we're easily confused."
  --Rob at BUSUN later that day, asking for clarified wording.

• "The Bibek containment field is failing."
  -Aram, 16 Nov 1998

• "Any children resulting from procreation in this house are not desirable children."
  -Soren, November 14, 1998

• Soren: "I'll sit in Hesh's lap."
  Kali: "I know you want to...you've been waiting for your chance."
  -November 14, 1998

• Sara Spartina: "It's just like coffee!"
  Kali Chondrus Crispus:"Yes, but it's quartz. You can't drink it."
  -14 November 1998

• "You know what would be fun? To be encased in a Jell-o mold."
  -Sara "Prometheus" Grady, while discussing "deposit-feeding"
  14 November 1998

• "Keith and I are trying this newfangled thing . . . .
  it's called sleep."
  Soren, with his toothbrush, 12:27AM Saturday morning

• "Go ahead . . . . make my Boat."
  -Curran Nachbar, at breakfast 11/13/98

• "They should just have sex and everything will be fine."
  -Sam, while watching ER...

• "Mmmmm...I could say that all night: fungal toxin."
  -Soren, 8 November 1998

• "I would eat that dog."
  -Sam, about the Taco Bell dog, 7 November 1998

• "Where am I? Is this Techhouse? It doesn't look like Techhouse...it's way too cool."
  -Dan, observing the lounge during JavaSpook IV, 6 November 1998

• "So how can I go about making myself pregnant tonight?"
  -Alyssa, on Halloween

• Edgar: I am going to have a seminar on how to "hold it" during sex...
  Dan: You really can't teach someone calculus unless they know algebra.

• "It was like he had tourette's, except he wasn't stripping."
  -rje

• "But I was fine. I have bowels of steel."
  -Sara "Periwinkle" Grady, on eating a large number of Smarties, 10/26/98

• Soren: Sun info session was BAD...
  Sae: I told you that you should...umm...
  Soren: Maybe I should work for MICROSOFT...at least I will learn something new...how to write programs for WINDOWS.
  Sae: ...
  -Sae and Soren's conversation, 10/26/98

• "I've been looking for you. I was just in your bed."
  -Soren to Sae, 10/25/98

• "Mike, you should go over to your computer and write
  • 'I love you.
    -Mike to his computer.'
  to the techhouse quotes page...
  See, it was funny when I thought about it..."
  -Chris

• "Maybe one of them farted, then they realized that they didn't want the couch anymore."
  -Mahesh, referring to the Volkswagon commercial.

• "There will be no Techhouse Ass-Master. Period." -Ryan
  "Hey, that's Techhouse Ass-Pirate to you." -Chris

• "Techhouse is not a varsity sport."
  -Soren, during the weekly meeting, 10/20/98

• "We need a metal box. To put Lou in..."
  -Kali, in the Tech House minutes, 10/20/98

• "In other cleaning-related news, the house has just learned that Lou's family, for his birthday, organized a carpet-cleaning session for his entire extended family. That explains a lot. No wonder he wants to blow things up."
  -Kali, in the Tech House minutes, 10/20/98

• "There are two classes people in the house fall into: some fall into both.
  1) People who have been feverishly working on techhouse stuff: marble project, door hack, waterscreen, javaspook, getting laid...ohh wait..."
  -Soren, announcing the 10/19/1998 meeting

• "You know, the house is getting so much nookie right now!"
  -Veronica, in the library

• "Not all of it..."
  -Lou

• Soren: "I hope that Tech House will be a force for good in the future."
  Lou: "Techhouse will never be a force for good as long as I live in it!"
  -Soren and Lou, during Beth Lahti's BSR interview, 10/5/98

• "Techhouse needs longer screws."
  -Aram, house meeting 11/29/98, in reference to the whiteboard

• >Welcome to out-of-house member Jeff Alexander. He paid $35 dues and $20
  >key deposit to hang with us, as will some other guy named Jack.

• Kali --

• You don't know Jack.
  -reply to TH minutes 10/5/98

• "It's all about being in my underwear drawer."
  -Soren, talking about the slush fund
  Fri Sep 25 20:35:53 EDT 1998

• "How can I live vicariously through you if you don't have a life?"
  -Su talking to Vivek in the library
  Fri Sep 25 20:03:58 EDT 1998

• Soren: "There's a cute girl calling you on the phone. Why are you playing video games?"
  Sae: "Because I have a life."

• "Lucas is my bitch; he does what I tell him."
  -Woody, Re: kitchen management

• "I love estrogen."
  -Edgar

• "It feels so good when you push it all the way in."
  -Soren, while crimping cable

• "I've got problems!"
  -Vivek

• "I'd skip the meeting for crack and whores."
  -Rob L., at an officers meeting

• "I think we should spend all our money on crack and whores."
  -Rob L., later the same night

• "Who's Edgar?"
  -Rich Lee

• "You need to turn off your computer and go outside and play. But not yet."
  -Kali, meeting minutes